I used to do this thing where I’d talk really formal when I was stressed or feeling like under threat or out of my comfort zone. My sister would call me out on it. “You’re talking formal again,” she’d say. “It’s just us,” she’d say. “You sound like a massive dork,” she’d say. “Did you JUST learn the word cathartic?” She’d say. “You’re overusing it,” she’d say.
Isn’t it funny-not-funny how sometimes when we’re feeling out of sorts we can act even less like ourselves which in turn pulls us out of the moment, leaving us even more disconnected and out of sorts? Getting all self-protect-ey when actually meeting ourselves where we’re at in that moment would connect us in to whatever people or stuff’s going on in order to deal with it?
Why we use self-armour when we feel emotionally at risk
Dr Brene Brown more eloquently calls this armouring up to protect ourselves from being vulnerable. We do it when we feel emotionally at risk or exposed but unfortunately it prevents us from showing up fully in a moment. It becomes a missed opportunity for connection and uncomfy yet positive growth or change.
BUT it’s HARD to be vulnerable! It takes courage to show up and be seen, and none of us nail this all the time, EVEN Brene, and like probably even Oprah and people like Ted Lasso I bet (new fave show – obsessed).
How to be more vulnerable in real life
Here’s a coupla curated tips from Brene:
- Start with awareness – We can’t work on something if we’re not aware! Lucky for blunt sisters and loved ones.
- Get curious – Be willing to ask questions as to what’s really going on and why. E.g. WHY am I being so hard on everyone today? Or why am I dropping “cathartic” into casual conversations like it’s confetti?
- Take small steps – Like asking someone what they’re thinking, or taking a few deep breaths and coming back to the moment.
- Intention – Vulnerability is different to oversharing. The ideal motivation for vulnerability is the chance to be real with yourself, then with people you trust and ultimately, this flows out to allow other people to identify with you.
- Compassion – to be kind and gentle to yourself first and then to others.
Again, this stuff takes courage and practice so be proud of the small steps along the way.
Bonus fun cathartic side track
Finally, fun side game, how to casually slip cathartic into a sentence:
She walked cathartically down the street.
The quick brown fox jumps cathartically over the lazy dog.
Wow much cathartic wood would a woodchuck cathartically chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood. Cathartic.
